5 reasons pigeons are to be feared

If I've learned anything through travel and urban living, it is that pigeons are a thing to be feared.

Stay away, pigeons

Here are just five of the many reasons why:

1.      They basically have conquered the world. 

 But seriously, though, they live in any city, anywhere. In flocks or lonesome, they invade urban space, feeding on crumbs and other human squander. As much as I have traveled, one of the only ever present realities is the presence of pigeons. (That and the human-ness of humans, but that is for another post altogether.)

Apparently pigeons are indigenous to Europe, the Middle East, and North Africa. (I feel like this is already a large landmass. Why did they feel the need to expand so much? Imperialism? Or was it Manifest Destiny?) Ever wonder why there are so many pigeons and no pigeon cemeteries—here is why. (Warning: that link is not for the faint.)

2.      They themselves have no fear.

Pigeons hover near trains, on cliffs, and amidst the masses. While they have short lives and are at danger constantly, they face it all with a flap of the wing and a peck of the beak. This courage is to be respected and feared.

3.      They make very large men jump back on the El platform.

This man was easily 60 times the size of the pigeon, yet when the pigeon suddenly, unexpectedly flew from its perch, the man leaped backward out of instinctive impulse. Said man shot me a hostile look when I accidently brushed him as I passed; after seeing his reaction to a pigeon, his attempt at intimidation was laughable.

4.      They are disgusting

You don’t know where those talons have been. Ew.

5.      They are invasive. 

Not including their ubiquity in urban streets and public transit, I have personal, up-close experience with unwelcome pigeon-guests… twice in India pigeons flew in through the vent my bathroom and had to be shooed out of my bedroom. Leave me alone, pigeons.

Curse the pigeons.

 

 Don't get me started on seagulls. Did you know there are seagulls in Chicago??