Adaptations, part 2

10 things I say now that I never said before:

“Ok, I’ll be ready in a minute.  I just have to put on my Party Pants.”  Party Pants = the one pair of jeans that I own that fit me – kind of.  I wear them anytime I want to look young and hip…

“Damn these pigeons.”  On New Year’s Eve, I chased a pigeon out of my bedroom by throwing empty bottles and packs of tissues at it.  The pigeons are a nuisance.

“My hips are a little tight.  Can we do hip openers today?”  (Speaking of pigeon.) Actually, no. I still haven’t said that.  I still don’t understand “open hips”. But I do have entire conversations about yoga, which is new.

“Sorry. I was being sarcastic.” I never used to apologize for my sarcasm.  But that was back when people understood that I was being a smart-aleck.

“What’s up, monkey/piglet/buffalo/cow?” Ok, while my talking to animals (or myself) is nothing new, the types of animals I talk to now has changed.  (Yasmin passed by me on her scooter the other day and tried to get my attention. I ignored her, as I do everyone who tries to talk to me in the road, but she laughed when I stopped to talk with the pigs instead.)

“I forgot my handkerchief at home yesterday… it was a real problem.” I’ve been getting over this cold for about 3 weeks now.  And in India, there is not always a box of Kleenex or a roll of toilet paper sitting around.  Thus, the handkerchief has been a mainstay in my life, whose previous role was simply sweat-swabbing.  (PS – you should start using a handkerchief. They are totally more environmentally friendly; and they make you feel like a sweet old lady…)

“I’ll have rice. With a side of bread.” Biryani and roti. Yes, please. Or rice with potatoes.  Ok! Too many carbs?? Psshh.

“Ha.” And this is not to indicate that something was mildly funny.  It is to indicate that I heard what someone said, agree with them, or am simply responding in the affirmative.

[Head Bobble]  No words.  A few weeks ago my boss, who is from India, asked me to clarify what I meant when I only responded with a head movement and no accompanying sounds. Geesh.

“Oh, India.” Because when something indescribable, frustrating-to-the-point-of-insanity, un-understandable, or simply outrageous happens, there is nothing else to say. There is no other explanation than, “We are in India.”

India baffles me still.