Lessons Learned

Earlier this week we had dinner with Dave’s mom who was visiting from the States.  After we mentioned that our year in India is quickly wrapping up, she asked us the second most stressful question we could be asked right now: “Have you learned a lot since you’ve been here?”

Cruisin' sari-style

(Obviously, the most stressful question is, “What are your plans after the fellowship?”)

But this learning question, that’s a good one.  It’s one that has been rolling around, billowing, in my head for a little while.  There are lessons learned... there must be skills and cultural understanding and perhaps even life lessons gained... there must.

But maybe those can’t be fully realized just yet.  Maybe it’s still too soon to know those lessons.

There are some other things – more concrete things - that I have learned, though...

Some surprising things I never would have thought I would learn in India:

• How to ride on the back of a scooter/motorcycle (and love it, even in a sari)
• Why people want to ride motorcycles: because they are awesome
• How to make a killer chocolate rice pudding (which is my new comfort food of choice)
• How to make a scene. (If you are even slightly creepy, I will yell at you loud enough for even the old men nearby to take notice.)
• How to make a perfectly fluffy frittata on a stovetop
• How to use iTunes

Beauty from my semi-equipped kitchen

Some typically Indian lessons that I didn’t know that I would learn:

• How to make coffee in an Indian coffee maker (aka South Indian filter coffee)
• How to use a squat toilet like a pro
• How to drink out of a communal water bottle without touching my lips to the rim
• How to cross the road
• How to eat a cup more of rice (even though you didn’t ask for seconds and you are so full you think you might explode)

All of those other things I might have learned, they will become more apparent after some time, I'm sure. Perhaps we'll talk about them over a glass of wine some time this summer. Perhaps.

Current Events

As we were finishing our group yoga session on Thursday evening, my roommate got a message from our friend: “Twin blasts in Hyd. Stay at home.”

We checked the news. We stayed at home. We sent messages to our loved ones. Our bosses gave us a call to make sure we were all ok. We were told to stay close to home the following day as well.


News reports varied: death tolls were different, numbers of injuries were vastly disparate, descriptions of the scene ranged from vague to movie-script-like.

Now, as with any tragedy, there has come the blaming and the ‘what will we do about it’ and the politics and all the thoughtless-words-that-shouldn’t-be.

There is some meaningful discussion - discussion about diversity and about healing and about peace.


The thing is: My mother worries. And I get that. It was too close for anybody’s comfort. (And I’m told it’s a mother’s job to worry.) But the thing that strikes me the most is how much this incident and this discussion could be about the USA.

Struggles with diversity. People saying really stupid things. People blaming entire populations when in reality only a few people are responsible. Media taking advantage of a terrible situation. Politics.

Yes, some of these things are worse here. Some of these things are worse in the US.

The things that are distinctive about India are: infrastructure, response procedures, and management systems – there is a reason that there is so much discrepancy in reporting of numbers of those who died and are injured.



But the truth is:

Whether you are going to the movies or the fruit market or to worship or kindergarten, people should feel and be safe - whoever and wherever you are in the world. We should stand together on that, wherever we are.

Take away the preconceptions and the talking points and you will see that we are all on the same side.

Dear World, Here’s your pep talk again:

It’s our duty to give the world a reason to dance. Go and be awesome.

Today I miss..

Today I miss mild Georgia winters.

But you know what,USA: While you are thawing out, I already have a flip flop tan and have been eating fresh watermelon for weeks.

You can be jealous if you want.  (But don't get too jealous, the foot tan line ends at my ankle.)

Some things I haven't yet told you

There was that one time...

• That one time my roommates and I obtained a (possibly illegal) gas canister late at night in a dark alley.
• That one time I fell out of a bus. The bad news is that the hand injury I received is not even going to scar.
• That one time I shared a berth with Ritika on an overnight train ride with no A/C but open windows that I swear created a wind chill of 20 degrees.
• That one time I yelled at a man who followed me to work two days in a row.
• That one time (or 5 or 6 times, actually) I witnessed a minor car accident turn into a fist fight.
• That one time (or weekly, really) I woke up trying to assess whether I had a stomach bug.
• That one time I had a fever and swollen throat for 3 days while on a work trip to Bangalore.. that turned into a terrible cold that lasted at least 3 weeks.
• That one time Hannah and I got a sleeper bus from Aurangabad that sent us airborne half the night and arrived four hours late because the bus had mechanical problems.
• That one time (two times) there was a small, surprising fire – once in a restaurant, once in our kitchen.
• That one time (everyday) I walked into oncoming traffic and stood in the middle of the road while cars swerved around me, just to get to the other side.

Some things are just better known much after the fact.  (Mom, I promise all is well.)

Romeo and Juliet

Do you remember freshman lit class?  Remember reading Romeo and Juliet for the first time?  Do you remember Ms. McFarland asking you what genre the play was? And do you remember how, when someone in the class responded that it was a love story obviously, she reminded us that Shakespeare’s plays only fell into two categories – comedy and tragedy?

Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, y’all.

The story has withstood many bastardizations in popular culture – the most recent (and godforsaken) one of my recollection being Taylor Swift’s Love Story… seriously, read those lyrics… Shakespeare is dying all over again; and I think there is a weak and inaccurate allusion to Hawthorne in there too… oh God … but don’t get me started about how I feel about Taylor Swift… that’s not the point.

The point is, Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy; it is not romantic. Let me repeat that: It Is Not Romantic.  And the reason it’s a tragedy is not because there was a love that was not meant to be.  It is a tragedy because of the senseless hatred based on bloodlines and customs, because of the violence, because of the adults who facilitate each step in this story, because of the suicide, because it took loss for people to think about making a change in how they view the world and each other.  This is why it is a tragedy.

The story also tragically reads like an Indian newspaper. 

I’ve been doing some research on child protection recently and couldn’t get Romeo and Juliet out of my mind. It’s a tragedy.

May your Valentine's Day be filled with genuine, less tragic, maybe even less 'romantic' love.  And some comedy:

Who looks at this web-space anyway?

If you are reading my blog, I probably know you personally.  I know most of you only look at it if a facebook link pops up on your newsfeed and you have nothing better to do at that moment.  I know probably half of the views on my blog are from my family.  And that is good.  I write this stuff for you (and to keep myself sane).

But out of curiosity, I checked the stats on Audience and Traffic Sources the other day.  This is what I found:

Pageviews by Countries

Entry	Pageviews
United States	1278
India	821
Russia	100
United Kingdom	52
Germany	36
South Korea	20
Israel	12
China	10
Austria	6
Mexico	6

Search Keywords

Entry	Pageviews
hot mom jeans	3
yoga goa	3
bell ringing during prayer	2
chocolateinindia.blogspot	2
missing indian style	2
"elastic waist" "mom jeans"	1
"mom jeans" elastic	1
chocolate club of india	1
hot indian mom jeans	1
missing mom jeans	1

So, Russia and South Korea, huh?

And obviously, Mom Jeans are the way to get people’s attention, but “hot Indian mom jeans” – who’s looking that up?

Just fyi, when you type “hot Indian mom jeans” into Google, my blog is the 3^rd result. I’m the 4^th result for “Indian mom jeans”.  Go me. (But I suggest that you not type these into Google, especially at work.)

Sigh.