Five things I learned at kickboxing class (not punching)

Last night was Week Six of kickboxing class. It was also the first class in which we spent the majority of the hour actually kicking and boxing. You can imagine that I was not happy about the first five (out of ten) weeks of the class. In fact, I kept setting an ultimatum to myself - "if we don't actually kickbox this week, I'm not coming back!"

The trouble is that the instructor is a nice person and the number of people who attend the class is sometimes only three (out of 12 or so signed up). I feel bad... OMG, Midwesterner habits are growing on me!

Ok, ok. I also acknowledge that it is important to do something active, so I don't mind the cardio and "body sculpting" that Jermaine has been putting us through too much. Here are five things I've learned at kickboxing class, none of which are kicking or punching:

1. Scissor jacks are jumping jacks without the arms. I don't understand why you would do both. Jermaine seems to think they are different.
2. Ab exercises often equate to neck and back exercises when your abs aren't strong enough to do most of the work. I'm going to have a neck like Cold Stone Steve Austin by the end of this course!
3. Cold Stone Steve Austin isn't a wrestler with a large neck. Stone Cold Steve Austin is. But I would be more likely to watch wrestling if the ice cream salon was involved. Sponsorship opportunity, anyone?
4. Apparently, in workout world, the phrase "if you're getting tired, go faster" is a thing. This makes no sense to me. I breathlessly screeched as much out loud in class last week. It still makes no sense, Jermaine!
5. The exercise I fail at most is one with no name. It involves an elastic band and a lot of pulling upward. Supposedly, it works best if you grunt or yell while you are doing them. I like to call it the Superstar exercise. (This is Jermaine's fault; he referenced the Molly Shannon movie in hopes of motivating us last week. Sadly, I identify very well with the awkwardness and strain of this reference.)

I do a weird thing with my pelvis when I try these.

Attempt 1 at grunting to make it better.

Looking for Jermaine's approval... I didn't get it.

Attempt 2 at the grunt/roar. I'd say it's better. Even if Jermaine disagrees.

 What is Molly Shannon doing these days, anyway? What an inspiration she is.

PS Is it normal not to feel sore the day after a workout, but to feel unable to move freely two days later??