Questions that need answers: yoga edition

I confess: I like yoga. I do. Kind of a lot.  

Mostly because it’s exercise that doesn’t require me to move too much, which is kind of amazing.  And because lying around with your feet in the air is oddly fun and refreshing. And because India requires that all residents enjoy yoga – I’m pretty sure that was on the visa application.

Despite my new devotion to the yoga, I sometimes wonder:

What exactly do open hips feel like?

Talk to anyone who has done yoga for any significant amount of time, I dare you.  They will tell you how amazing “hip openers” are; proceed to stretch in ways that send their legs in opposite and twisting directions; and then tell you how “open” their hips feel.  It feels great when your hips are open, I hear.

I don’t get it.  I feel the stretching when doing pigeon pose, I do. But, post-pigeon, I can’t say that my hips feel that much different.  It’s not like doing the back stretches that make me feel like I’ve relaxed my balled up muscles. That feels different afterwards. But open hips? I don’t get it.

Are your heels really supposed to be on the ground for downward facing dog?

I don’t think this is possible.  When it looks like the girl in the video is doing it, I’m positive it’s an illusion. 

I'm sorry, what? You want me to put my leg where?  What do you mean “if there’s space”?

Put my knee behind my shoulder – yeah, ok. Lean forward after contorting myself into some kind of animal – sure, let me get on that.  Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense.  It makes my face twist in the same direction as the instructor’s entire body. And that’s when I retreat into child’s pose or downward facing dog.  I can do those. 

Are sit-ups really yoga? (Don’t lie to me.)

Sometimes I do recognize these exercises.  Boat pose is so a sit-up.. a sit-up that you hold.  Be straight with me – I can handle it.  At least they call the pushup a pushup.  Just don’t lie to me, yoga. 

Why are we facing each other?

You should know, I am a really bad yoga-direction-follower and end up doing the opposite of the instructor – every damn time.  And I don’t realize it until I am in the middle of the pose and staring my yoga partners in the face, which shouldn’t happen.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Do I want to stand on my head?

No. No, I really don’t.  It looks like it hurts. And it’s a little scary. 

Maybe I’ll get there one day.  Maybe.

This is relaxing, huh?

It is.  It really is - especially weekend group yoga sessions that are also somehow hilarious.