Which one of these is not like the other?

If you knew me way back then, you may remember the revolutionary moment when I finally learned how to wear a scarf.  That was over six years ago, in Scotland.  There, I learned to wear a scarf like a European.  It took several months to master. 

The purpose of a scarf in Europe is for warmth and style.  It is different here. The purpose of a scarf in India is coverage and to serve as a mask from dust/smells.. and for style.  I’m at a loss as to how to wrap myself in a scarf, yet again.

Life lesson: I fail at style, regardless of where I live in the world.

I’ve never been a very fashionable person, so it’s ok that I don’t fit in with the young and stylish in the clubs and malls.  I’m really not sure how these women make those tunics and kurtas look so cute. But I’m used to not being the trendiest girl at the bar.  That’s ok.

It is a little awkward that I also don’t fit in with the aunties wearing their saris and salwar kameezes, though. 

Enter a “where do I belong in this place” moment.  I have them often.  You do when you stand out so much all the time.  When the color of your skin, the way you dress, the way you walk, the job you have, your life journey, your very presence differentiates you so distinctly from people around you, you do wonder how you fit. 

What is my place?  The men staring and the children following me down the street may be wondering this as well.

“Well, if you didn’t want to stand out so much, you really shouldn’t have moved to a place where the culture and the people and the environment are so drastically different from what you know so well,” you might be saying aloud to your computer right now. 

Maybe you have a point.  But, I suppose all the stares and discomfort and coping-with-being-noticed is an experiential part of this whole thing.  I’ve always believed that comfort is overrated.  Discomfort and coping push one’s limits.  But that doesn’t mean that it’s not sometimes unnerving and challenging and lonely.  

Growth and understanding and perspective are tough.  That doesn't mean it's not worth it.  That doesn't mean it's not necessary.  That doesn't mean it's not beautiful.

Still, I think if I learn to wear a scarf (or a dupatta, rather) like an Indian woman, I will fit in a little more.. maybe. 

Various images of women I've encountered: